So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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