I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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