I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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