I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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