this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
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Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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