Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
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So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
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I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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