I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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