ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
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It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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