life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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