I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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