just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
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Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
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Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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