So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
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Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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