This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
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Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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