She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
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You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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