Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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