My balls are so social today.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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