is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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