Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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