I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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