...so i touched it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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