I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I want her autograph on my taint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize