Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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