you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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