if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize