My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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