I murdered the dance floor call the cops
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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