Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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