I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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