Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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