Dual....:-)
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
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Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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