Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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