There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize