Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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