so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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