I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
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All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
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I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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