Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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