oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize