before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
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I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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