the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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