yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize