I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize