How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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