Your mouth is God's brothel.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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