it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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