You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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