I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
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Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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