do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
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hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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