I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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