this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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