Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize